Male POV: Relationships Pt. 2

Part two of this bonus episode begins with one of the most important things during a proposal: the ring.

Guillo has lost his ring twice and almost 3 times as of this night.

The american custom is to buy a ring worth 3 months of the purchaser’s salary, but the men agreed that it really all depends on the purchaser’s financial situation.

Cesar made sure to specify that the amount spent on a ring does not measure a person’s love. He also noted something that, as a woman, made me realize was very true and that is the influence society has on what a ring should look like. Many women feel pressured to get a big diamond ring, one that their social circle will admire or even envy. He mentions famous people’s rings and the amount they spend; it mainly has to do with their status and social circle.

Manny shared his two engagement ring stories. Here are a few of the things he said:

“She went back to Costco and cashed it out.”

“So now for my second marriage I wasn’t that stupid. I knew I could buy it in Colombia… but I don’t buy diamonds anymore.”

Manny advised to buy the ring at Costco and explains he does not buy diamonds anymore because they are “Blood Diamonds”.

Guillo agrees with Cesar in that, “The ring has nothing to do with the relationship… She’s just happy being with you… I think you should impress your lady, not with jewelry but with your attitude.”.

The men also discussed promise rings, and they definitely agreed that they are unnecessary. Cesar states that no matter the type of ring, whether it be promise, engagement, or wedding, they don’t always work. He supports that by sharing a story of when he wore a ring to pretend he was taken and says people do not care.

Guillo shares his Avon ring story and how he proposed to Joanna.

“The ring does not matter… If a women loves you it will not matter how big the rings is… I’d rather spend money on memories than on a ring… I’ve seen people wear big rings and they are not happy.”

In conclusion the cost and size of a ring should not matter.

 

Next question: How do you handle arguments?

Guillo begins by saying, “Arguments are not man’s best friend.”. One thing he mentioned that is important to him and his wife is that they try to never hurt each other.

He also shares a story of when he found a condom in Joanna’s car once. It was interesting to hear how he handled the situation.

Most of the time people give newlyweds the advice to “never go to bed angry”. I like the fact there was support to do the opposite. Guillo mentions how it’s okay to go to bed angry sometimes.

Juan agreed by saying, “Sometimes you just have to clear your mind, because when you are in that [angry] mindset you need to take a break and see it [the issue] in a more logical way.

Juan doesn’t like confrontation, especially when it is not necessary.

“You’re dealing with another person that is not like you, who doesn’t think like you do, and that wasn’t raised like you.”

He continues explaining, “You can’t sleep off your problems… I try to listen as best I can, and reason, because I always try to put myself in their position, their point of view…. But sometimes I don’t know what to tell you because nothing I say will make anything better.

One thing Juan says is important is to try and meet in the middle, compromise. He also mentions how important it is to wait after the anger has passed in order to discuss an issue.

As his wife, this is the most valuable thing I have learned from Juan, because it is very true that: “You literally cannot reason with somebody that is angry.” -Juan

Cesar addresses how important it is to express what you’re feeling, because sometimes our culture expects us to suppress our feelings. He also shares the difference between having discussions with a female and a male in a relationship.

In regards to his current relationship, “I freaking love it because we can actually have healthy discussions.”.

Another important point the married men discussed was how important it is to let the small things go.

 

Final question: What do you think of Divorce.

“I think divorce is a good thing if your marriage is toxic to the family involved… Divorce is not an easy thing to do, but I think it is healthy if it [the marriage] is not a good thing in your family” – Guillo

“You try to work it out, if it doesn’t you just have to let it go… You always think people are going to change… You keep trying. If it doesn’t change… to a point you just let it go.” -Manny

Daniel and Jonathan were the only ones in the room with parents that are still together.

Although there were many bad moments during the marriage, Daniel’s parents never decided to separate. Although it took time, at a certain point they were able to change and work past their issues.

“People did change… It took a while, it took a long time.” -Daniel

“It’s up to the couple how long they want to keep trying.” -Manny

“Your relationships are never going to last unless you work on them. Yes there are going to be patches in your life…. It’s up to you if you can ride that wave… but if you ride the wave then eventually the tide will level up again. But as soon as something inconvenient happens and you don’t try and your final solution is just to get a divorce… that’s always going to be the case in your next relationship. You have to ride the wave.” -Cesar

Another significant point made was the change in abuse during our generation. We used to only hear stories of women being physically and verbally abused, but today we hear men going through this as well. People should feel supported to leave a relationship, whether they be a female or male being hurt by their partner.

“We’re taking in that wave and it is up to us to make those changes. We are living in the feminist era… Men need to also make a stand but in a way not to overstep.” -Cesar

In conclusion, divorce is sometimes necessary. It is vital to get out of an unhealthy relationship, but if there are things in that relationship that can be fixed, then try to work it out first.

These were the opinions and experiences of 8 different men, at 4am, in the middle of the woods.

Thank you for enlightening us with your wisdom.

Podcast Description:

We went off our usual format and setting to bring you a two part BONUS episode . A discussion on relationships from a man’s perspective. This episode is an introduction to a different style of the MRP Show: Group Discussions.  Eight individual men share their advise and experiences as they travel through the stages of their relationship life.  

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